A while back I wrote about my oldest daughter who just turned 12. Well, this time I want to write about my second daughter she just turned 4 and she is what people kindly call a hand full.
This little bottle energy is every bit the opposite of her older sister. She is a spit fire, a social butterfly, sporty, aggressive and assertive. She is also a lot like her sister kind, generous, caring and thoughtful, if not more so than her sister.
This little one came along many years after her sister because of infertility issues and she she was born my life along with her father and her sister's life changed. What once was a slow lazy type of life for the three of us now became life at full speed.
She walked sooner than her sister she talked sooner than her sister she even said her first bad word sooner than her sister. Come to think of it, I don't think her sister ever said a swear word.
But this little one has always felt the need to compete with her laid back big sister. I guess its that sibling rivalry. But, I'll tell ya, I dont much care for the rivalry. It hurts. It hurts me to know that they are competing not for a trophy, or even a treat but rather, my love and attention.
I would like to think that I am a good mother. That I give them both the same amount of love and attention but there are many times I think I have fallen short. Especially now that their new baby brother is here. He is so small and so demanding. Its hard to do anything with the girls. But the one that is getting left out a lot more these days is that poor little second child. She is caught in the middle. She isnt in school yet, so she doesnt understand the concept of home work and why her big sister cant play with her right when she gets home from school and why mommy gets to sit and help with that dreadful homework. She doesnt quite get why she cant play baby and moma with her 2 month old brother when he is the size of her baby doll even though she promises not to drop him.
My poor sweet angel, there is still so much to teach her. And she knows this, but she is just like me....IMPATIENT! She wants everything when she wants it and how she wants it which by the way, is making discipline very hard on her. She doesn't understand that her actions or words have consequences and that "time outs" and the occasional swat on the hinney do exist. Worse yet, she thinks that she isnt loved when we get onto her. She says we dont love her any more and that we only love the baby.
OH, how this kills me inside. For any of my children to feel unloved is to be the death of me. I hurt for her. I dont want her to feel unloved. I pray that she grows to understand that although she isnt the oldest or the youngest, that she is the baby I prayed for, for many years. She is the baby that I asked god to give me so that my oldest would grow to know the love of a sibling. I cried tears of joy when she was born. I cry now at the thought of her feeling so unloved. I know that this phase will pass and that as the baby gets older he wont need me as much and my attention will again be evenly distributed. I just wish I could speed up time if just for a short moment.
When I climb into bed with her at night to snuggle while she sleeps, it takes every thing in me not to wake her up to play. should be honest, I have tried, but she sleeps like a log she tells me she dreamed I was in bed talking to her. I tell her every day that I love her but I never know if she really truly hears me when I tell her, so, this gives me some peace, at least I know that when she is still and peacefully sleeping that she hears me.
I love you my sweet angel! You are my everything! And I will tell you every day and every night until I know that you know it in your soul!